Some Muslim clerics have objected to bin Laden’s burial at sea, declaring that it did not meet Muslim standards for a proper burial and was an insult to the faith. Actually, a variety of options were considered, and burial at sea was finally considered to be the most appropriate under the circumstances.
I have obtained a secret partial list of other choices that were ultimately rejected. Personally, I think burial at sea was about the nicest thing we could have done with his corpse considering his storied career.
Here then, the top ten possible options to “lug the guts into the neighbour room,” as happened to poor Polonius in Hamlet:
1. Burial at sea.
2. Strap him into a suicide bomber’s vest and blow him up in Times Square.
3. Chipper/shredder ala Fargo.
4. Cut off his head and throw his body by the side of the road. (An al-Qaeda favorite.)
5. Sell him on eBay.
6. Bury him somewhere in Afghanistan, then release a cryptic treasure map. (Pun intended.)
7. Strap him to a cruise missile and shoot him at Qaddafi.
8. Tie him to the back of a truck and drag him around Lower Manhattan.
9. Osama piñata!
and the last appropriately respectful way to lug the guts out,
10. Bury his ass at ground zero.
Of course, all of this would have been more fun if we'd taken him alive, but still: Good times.
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